In my 10+ years of working in Human Resources, I’ve never seen a resume quite like the one I’m about to quote from.  It is a narrative resume, full of run-on sentences, which is 13 pages in length.  I can’t possibly capture everything, but here are a few tidbits:

- I went with M.B. to get her a better paying job.
- I don’t take bribes.
- I can make ham and eggs in the woods.
- I forded a river in the living history group I was in.
- I once got a finger print kit from Radio Shack.
- I had the proud pleasure to pray for Mrs. D’s daughter who had cancer and she was healed and I rec’d a letter which I put in the donation slot at the Saint Padre Pio’s church museum one of the next times I was there.
- I prayed for the financial recovery of the world and fellowship and competence and lots of money for everyone and good living.
- Yesterday I received a very nice thank you note from Mr. Dick Cheyney, Vice President of the US for my ideas on Kevlar Tires for military vehicles. And he appreciates the time I take to provide my input.  I thank you Mr. Cheyney.  And if I want to desire more information on pending legislation and administration policies to look on the whitehouse.gov or firstgov.gov websites and thanks.
- I worked for ******’s computer room and I asked for vacation time and it was granted.
- I won a book from Monroe County for participating in one of the re-enactments fo General Sullivan’s March.
- I want to do my own “Operation Rock and Roll” with full 100% safe antibacterial Air Support to counter the WMD stuff and have all the people resurrected and turn the tables on the bad guys and have Mr. Lumpkin, cheer, with his arms in the air and have full equipment there and use actual resurrecting BAL or water and gets sprayed from SAZC-USAF.
- I asked Mr. G. to be my reference and I think his wife Pat said yes.
- Currently working for the Police Chief as a crossing guard. I cross children and emergency vehicles for the DHS/FEMA andother OPM US Govt. jobs/positions and I applied for welfare.
- I know Mr. M and Mr. D and they are both like Mr. Albert Einstein and they were friends.
- I signed up to do web interning and then paused and asked an associate who mentioned to stop if it was an adult site and I did at that moment and resigned from that.
- Mr. M is a retired USMC Sargeant and if you need a good accountant give him a call. He is a few courses shy of a degree and his prof. told him he was good.
- I wrote on a piece of paper for VP Cheyney to have a successful surgery and recovery and touched it to Saint Padre Pio’s glove.
- I also asked Mrs. N to be a reference, AND SHE MAY BE CRABBY, to be another of my personal references and she agreed and used to be a buyer and has good taste.

HAPPY JULY 4th EVERYONE, especially to you Mr. Job Applicant!!

You stop at the gas station to fill your tank, and while filling, attempt to clean out the trash in the car, and while cleaning, throw out the bag with your medicine in it (which you just picked up from the Doctor’s office).  Driving back to the gas station to dig through the trash isn’t exactly my idea of fun!

I stumbled across a huge furniture sale at Pottery Barn outlet and got a $1499 piece of furniture for $430.  I should be happy, right?  WRONG!!!!!! 

I’d post a pic, but why bother.  Mo’s Dad posted a pic here:  http://www.tediousmusicprick.com.  I was also going to write about the nightmare of getting that freakin’ thing into my house, up the stairs, and into my bedroom.  Again, why bother.  Mo’s Dad adequately expressed the frustration of this process on his post.

All that is left to say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to Mo’s Dad, Dave, Andrew, Zach, and Wendy for helping with this nightmare.  And THANK YOU to SN for picking it up and getting it to my house and for all the running around you did… on your birthday no less!!  Not only did I underestimate the monstrous size and weight of that thing, I also undestimated the time needed to figure out how to get it upstairs and the damage done to the guys, and my house, while in transit!!!  Not only that, I totally wasted the entire evening of SN’s birthday.  The poor guy didn’t even get to open his gifts until 10:30 last night! 

SN, next time I want to buy a large piece of furniture on a whim, please tell me NO!!!!!  And to think, I almost bought two.

It is SN’s birthday today.  C’mon, wish him a happy day!

In the lovely state of Pennsylvania, I can drive a motorcycle and I do not need to wear a helmet.  I can not, however, drive a car without using my seatbelt.  (Did I mention I hate wearing my seatbelt???)

Goodbye Pappy.  You will be missed.

Mo (with sheepish smile):  Mommy, where did you buys me at?
Mommy:  I didn’t buy you. Remember I told you that you came out of my belly?
Mo:  Nooooo. You buyed me!  Where did you buys me at?
SN:  Mo, where do you think your Mommy bought you?
Mo:  Target!

Yep, if there was ever a place to buy a kid, Target would be it!!!

I do NOT like MRI’s. 

A sedative would have helped. 

Stupid inner ear problems.

So the other night the nosy neighbor and her evil son ventured over, again, so that the son could play on the trampoline.  At one point, Madeline went into the house to use the bathroom and while I was picking up some stuff in the yard, the mother got the son out of the trampoline and he went into the house as well.  I followed him in (as did the Mom) and found him on the sunporch hiding behind Mo’s dollhouse playing with her toys.  I told him he needed to go back outside, and, of course, he didn’t listen.  The mother told him several times as well, and he didn’t listen to her either.  Eventually he grabbed a handful of toys and started to head outside.  I told him that the toys were for inside and that he couldn’t take them outside.  He then threw a fit.  The Mom just giggled and said “oh man, he really likes her toys.” So we’re both just standing there, in MY house, watching HER son throw a temper tantrum.  Well, actually, I was watching him while she nosily checked out my house.  I eventually ended the nonsense by literally prying the toys out of his grimy hands and telling Mo to take him back outside. 

First of all, that was only the second time talking to the neighbor.  And she and her son just wander right into my house?  Who does that????  Since that night, I’ve been reluctant to take Mo outside when I see them in their yard.  Last night I chanced it for a bit and as soon as I saw that she noticed us, Mo and I hightailed it out of there.  I hate having to avoid people, but I just don’t want Mo being influenced by the evil son and thinking that his behavior is normal.  Sheesh, in less than one week, I went from blissful peace to nosy neighbor hell.  Must buy fence. Now.

SN:  I think I’ll have my usual tomorrow morning.
Me:  You said you would only eat cream dried beef on toast once a month.  You’ve eaten that crap three times in the last week.  You have to take care of that heart!
SN:  That’s what angioplasty is for.

Yeah Right!

I bought my house a year and a half ago.  I love the house, and the neighborhood is decent enough, but I’ve only met 3 neighbors in the entire year and a half that I’ve lived here.  Three neighbors out of what are DOZENS and DOZENS of houses beside me, behind me, and across the street.  One couple, in particular, whose backyard is right behind my backyard, throws HUGE neighborhood parties.  We’ve never been invited.  I guess we’re still just the new kids on the block!!

Anyway, now, suddenly, the neighbors have taken an interest in coming over to introduce themselves to us. Why is that you ask?  Gee, could it have something to do with this?

One of my best memories as a child was hanging out with my best friend on her trampoline.  We played on that thing for hours at a time… we even camped out in our sleeping bags some nights!!  I want Mo to have that experience as well, so I bought one for her.  Hearing her giggle and seeing her smile made it a very worthwhile purchase!  Her Dad might disagree, however, since he was the one who got stuck putting it together!  That “easy assembly” line on the box?  A BIG FAT LIE!!! 

My closest friend, Jen, lives in San Antonio, TX.  We don’t get to see each other, but that hasn’t stopped our friendship from going strong.  When we talk on the phone, we literally have the ability to lose all track of time.  Our conversation last week was no exception, except that… well, it ended on quite the interesting note. 

Jen and I started talking around 6:30ish in the evening (her time) and just before 11, she was still sitting in her car in a strip mall parking lot that had long since become deserted.  At that point, she attempted to start her car, but realized the battery was dead.  Just then she saw a car pull into the parking lot and park in front of an Eye Doctor’s office.  The person, who looked to be a woman based on her high heel shoes, had keys to the office, so Jen assumed it was the Doctor stopping in and decided to ask her for help when she exited the office.  A few minutes later, the person exited the office and to Jen’s surprise, was a man. The man offered to assist her, and although Jen was a bit nervous about having some random stranger help her in a dark parking lot at that hour of the night, it was a bit too late to turn back.  A couple minutes after the man started helping, he looked down at Jen’s legs and said “I like your shoes”.  Jen thought it was an odd compliment, but thanked him anyway.  Then the man confessed that he had a bit of a shoe fetish.  Turns out he was wearing a nice pair of silver, strappy, high heel sandals with his conservative khakis and nice button down shirt!! 

Thankfully, everything turned out alright.  Later that night, safely at home, Jen did some research online about shoe fetishes and found out that men who have this problem become sexually aroused by wearing women’s shoes.  The Internet would never lie about something like that, right? 

Jen also found this story about a guy who lives up near my way.  Go ahead, click on the link.  It’s quite the bizarre story! 

http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-b3_5fetish-4r.6375426apr23,0,4361009.story

Lesson # 1
When Mo, in the future, asks if she can brush my hair while partaking in a yogurt snack, or any kind of snack for that matter, my answer needs to be a resounding NO. Mo sees me play around with all kinds of hair products in the morning, so I guess she thought the yogurt would be a nice styling product as well!  And, of course, she didn’t tell me about this beforehand.  No, it was a “surprise!”.  Mo said I earned a sticker for my good behavior.  I took said stickers away!  And the yogurt too!

Lesson # 2
So, apparently, the inner ear is a persnickety piece of anatomy. Once a problem arises, it’s usually impossible to correct.  Actually, I knew this already.  One of my best friends suffers from an ear condition, which has had a serious impact on her quality of life, to the point where she is now on disability because of it.  Although I knew this, I don’t think I fully understood the workings of the inner ear and how that affects every part of your being.  A couple of months ago, out of nowhere, I started having serious dizzy spells and headaches.  I assumed it was allergy related, but after multiple tests, scans, and even a sleep study, my ENT determined that I have an inner ear misfunction that has affected my sense of balance.  The cause?  Probably a routine virus that caused permanent damage. The cure?  There is none.  I was told today that I will deal with this condition for the rest of my life.  The only recourse I have is rehabilitation to help my brain cope with the loss of balance.  Not sure what all that means yet, but that’s what I was told.  I’m dumbfounded that a freakin’ virus could cause permanent damage like this.  I’m equally dumbfounded that with the plethora of prescription drugs available these days, there’s nothing out there for this kind of dizziness???

... who is in her early 30’s.  She is recently married, has one child and was planning to have two more.  And she just found out she has cancer in her uterus, which now will have to be removed.  Life just isn’t fair sometimes, you know?